


Form a Connection

by ByTheAngell (SomeLittleInfamy)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alpha Raphael Santiago, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Asexual Raphael Santiago, Beta Simon Lewis, Happy Ending, Internalized Acephobia, M/M, Multi, Omega Jace Wayland, True Mates, mention of fertility issues but it isn't the focus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:29:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24553918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeLittleInfamy/pseuds/ByTheAngell
Summary: Jace, after years of taking suppressants to be able to patrol and hunt with the Alphas and Betas, finds his world turned on its head when a chance encounter with his True Mates brings everything about himself he's ever fought against rising to the surface.
Relationships: Simon Lewis/Raphael Santiago/Jace Wayland
Comments: 15
Kudos: 132
Collections: Hunter's Moon Fic Recs, SHBingo





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For my Shadowhunters Bingo square: Omegaverse

It’s a big mission. Most of Jace’s missions are routine missions, despite his best efforts to match up with the Alphas and Betas normally sent out on them. He knows that Alec is trying, that the orders don’t come from him, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less when the best assignments are given to everyone but him, even if being the only Omega on constant active duty is a huge deal in and of itself. 

Once and a while, though, Alec manages to get him on something properly exciting - and the raid on the Hotel Dumort is nothing if not exciting, just not for the reasons Jace expects. 

A fledgling is causing trouble in the city, wanted for a few mundane murders, and they’re going in to extract her for questioning. No lethal force if at all necessary, which means some pretty good fights are bound to break out from anyone trying to interfere - like the vampires currently trying to block his path.

That’s when Jace smells them, and in that moment he feels his entire world stop, just for a second. 

It’s the longest, most life-altering second of his entire life; Jace isn’t being drawn to another Shadowhunter, which is expected, or even a mundane, which would be frowned upon but ultimately tolerated. No, Jace just rounded a corner to bring his seraph blade up to the throat of a vampire, with another vampire immediately lunging to pull him off. The first one, who looks rightfully terrified, smells sweet, almost like the vanilla hazelnut coffee Jace is so fond of from the place near the Institute. The angry one, done up in a suit that looks like it’s worth more than Jace has spent on every piece of clothing he’s ever worn in his entire life, smells of leather and patchouli. 

They’re the most wonderful scents that Jace has ever smelled and it’s so overwhelming that he loses focus and closes his eyes, just for a moment. At first, all of his instincts seem to kick into overdrive at once: he wants more, he _needs_ more, leaning towards the scents. Then he remembers where he is - he remembers _who_ he is and _what_ they are - and his eyes snap back open as he takes two fumbling steps back. 

They make no move to attack Jace now that he dropped his blade, however, and seem to be staring back at him with the same surprised (and possibly a little bit horrified) look of realization as they take him in in turn. 

“Raphael…?” The one Jace attacked starts, his words slow and hesitant. 

“ _Carajo_ ,” the vampire in the suit, Raphael, curses in a low tone. 

“I-” Jace starts, still processing, before turning abruptly and leaving without another word. The other vampire must make a move to follow him because a forceful “Simon, let him go” is the last thing Jace hears behind him before he’s out of earshot, walking straight out of the Dumort and back to the Institute. 

\---

Jace barely sleeps that night. Alec is concerned after he vanished without checking in but Jace insists he’s fine and eventually Alec stops asking, at least for now. Not that it matters, because not talking about it doesn’t keep it from his mind. 

He wants nothing more than to go back to the Dumort and feel the comfort of Raphael’s scent again. They’re meant to be mates, he knows it, and he thinks the vampire does, too. Of all the Alphas in the world… and he has a Beta already, too. Raphael’s scent was all over Simon, there’s no doubt about it. 

Fuck. 

He can’t do it. He’s ostracized by the Downworlders enough for who his family is… Valentine raised him, after all, and even if he isn’t around any longer his legacy sure as hell is. And even if Jace did accept this attraction there’s no way any Downwolder would be with him. Not even… 

Jace doesn’t want to admit that the pull he felt was more than the average desire. He always thought all that talk of _true mates_ was romantic nonsense but here he is practically drowning in the memory of it. Maybe Raphael didn’t notice - Jace has taken suppressants since before he was even old enough to present as an Omega and with any luck it was enough for Raphael to forget about him. 

Any hopes of that being true are dashed the next day when Jace, in the Ops Center with Alec to go over some plans for the week’s missions and patrols, looks up to see Raphael being escorted inside by the two Shadowhunters on guard duty. 

Jace’s anxiety spikes and Alec senses it immediately, turning to face Raphael while moving defensively in front of Jace. 

“What are you doing here?” Alec snaps. 

“I wanted to return this,” Raphael says, stopping where he is a few feet away from them to hold up a dagger. It’s Jace’s dagger, the one he dropped last night before he fled. Raphael looks beyond Alec to Jace who promptly averts his gaze to the papers in front of him. “And I wanted to speak to him.” 

“He’s right here,” Alec says, not moving. Jace is grateful because he can smell Raphael from here and it only confirms his suspicions from the night before. He’s never had this sort of physical reaction before… he wants to hate it but he doesn’t. It feels right. What he does hate is _how_ right it feels. 

“Alright,” Raphael says, turning his gaze from Alec back to Jace. “Is that what you want? For me to discuss this here, in the middle of a room full of your colleagues?” 

Jace swallows thickly. No. He hasn’t even told Alec… he can’t have the entire Institute knowing, he just can’t. 

“No,” Jace says quickly. “I’ll speak to him. It’s alright, Alec.” He knows there’s no way Alec believes that, not with the spike in panic tainting everything around him, souring the air. 

Alec looks at him in concern. “Jace, what is it?” Alec asks him quietly. “If this vampire’s threatening you-” 

“It isn’t that,” Jace promises. “It’s-” Jace starts, but stops again, shaking his head. “I’ll tell you later. I swear it. But I need to talk to Raphael alone first. It’s okay. Really, it is.” 

“I promise not to touch a hair on his perfectly styled head,” Raphael swears. 

Jace is already walking off towards a side hallway, motioning for Raphael to follow him to an empty room before shutting the door behind them and placing both locking and silencing runes on the door. 

Inside, the scent of Raphael is overwhelming, even more so than the night before when he rushed toward Jace to throw him off Simon. Raphael can sense Jace’s hesitation and keeps his distance. 

“Thank you for speaking with me,” Raphael starts. “Jace, was it?” 

Jace nods. “And you’re Raphael.” 

It isn’t a question but the vampire nods in response just the same. 

“Now that the pleasantries are out of the way-” 

“Don’t,” Jace cuts him off. “I can’t- _we_ can’t- this can’t happen. I’m sorry.” 

Whatever Raphael is expecting, it isn’t that. “Sorry?” 

“I can’t be with a Downworlder. You’d never be accepted here, and my father-” Jace shakes his head. “My father’s Valentine. He raised me. I can’t exist in your world.” 

“So you think you can make decisions for me? You don’t even know me,” Raphael says, tone strained as he tries to control his frustration. The air in the room seems to sour at once and Jace feels nauseous. He needs to get out. 

“I don’t,” Jace admits. “And I never will.” 

With that he walks out of the door, telling the two guards lingering nearby to escort Raphael back outside now. 

\---

Alec finds Jace in the training room shortly after. 

“Talk,” Alec demands, not even waiting for the punching bag Jace is hitting to swing to a stop in front of him. 

“I think Raphael’s my true mate,” Jace says, not bothering to stall. He promised Alec he’d explain so there’s no point in trying to avoid it now. “Maybe Simon, too? Can you have more than one? I dunno, I didn’t stay long enough to sort it out.” 

“That’s why you left the raid,” Alec realizes, finally able to put the pieces together. 

“Yeah,” Jace admits. “I was hoping I could just ignore it. I’ve been on the suppressants for so long I figured it might block it from him, but it didn’t. He came here to talk about it.” 

“And?” Alec asks, his tone gentle and patient. He knows how difficult this is for Jace. 

“And I told him it isn’t going to happen,” Jace says flatly. “Can you imagine? I’ve heard what the other Shadowhunters say about the vampires, I’ve seen how they treat them and the warlocks for being _unnatural_. I can’t bring them into that.” 

Vampires and warlocks are sterile, even the Alphas, something the Nephilim frequently look down on them for even more than the other Downworlders. For a Nephilim to tie themselves to one of them for life is no light matter. 

“And with my father…” Jace frowns. “His people would hate him for even _considering_ bringing me into their lives. They’d never trust him again. I can’t do that to him, either.” 

“Jace…” Alec starts slowly, sensing Jace’s frustration and pain at what he’s denying himself. “Wouldn’t this be good for you? With your suppressants...” 

Everyone knows that there’s a serious risk of infertility issues with suppressants. His father knew when he started giving them to him, and Jace was old enough to understand the risk when he decided to keep taking them. He’d do anything to keep going on missions with Alec and Isabelle, anything to not be further ostracised from the Alphas and Betas the way he saw other Omegas his age were. He’s never allowed himself to get attached enough to anyone else long enough for them to even _consider_ him as a mate, figuring the longer he stayed detached the longer it wouldn’t be an issue for someone other than himself. 

Being with a vampire would make it a non-issue. It’d make that aspect of Jace’s life easier, but for Raphael and Simon being mated to him would only bring them trouble; they had nothing to gain and everything to lose, and he’ll be damned if that drive to nurture and protect isn’t overriding everything more than usual just then, even his own well-being. 

“No,” Jace repeats firmly. “I can’t do it, Alec. It’s for the best. He has Simon, he’ll be fine.” 

“I’m not worried about _him_ , Jace. I’m worried about you.” Alec pushes. 

“I’ll be fine,” Jace says, knowing the words are a lie. It’s a lie he’s said so many times that he almost believes it himself now. Maybe if he says it often enough, it’ll come true. “I’m always fine.” 

\---

The intense heat Jace goes into that night is unexpected. His suppressants usually stop them entirely and the few he has experienced were mild. This one comes on suddenly and even now, just at the start, it’s stronger than any he’s experienced in the past… maybe stronger than all of them combined. He tells Izzy to take him off any assignments for the foreseeable future and locks himself inside his room, refusing to speak to or see anyone. 

Jace takes every blanket and pillow in his possession and makes a nest in the back corner of his closet. It’s cramped and small and dark, with no scent other than his own and the slightest hint of Alec and Isabelle that always lingers around him, the only other people who occasionally spend time with him in his room. It isn’t enough to bring him comfort. He knows what will since he can’t help the instinctive desire for Raphael and Simon’s scents intruding into his thoughts no matter how desperately he pushes the urge back down, but he refuses to ask for it. 

Instead, he gives a loud whine as he buries himself as deep into the corner as he can, which isn’t that much further than he already is. The stone wall around him provides little relief against the spike in his temperature leaving him overheated and uncomfortable no matter how he positions himself. He can’t focus, can’t think for more than a few seconds before the seesaw of lightheadedness and nausea flare up again. 

Even Alec’s voice from the other side of his bedroom door barely reaches him, but he does catch some of it despite his best efforts to ignore him. 

“Jace, please let me in. At least let me bring you something to eat, or drink.” 

“It’s been hours, just let us know you’re alright.” 

“Don’t make me break this door down, Jace.” 

It’s an empty threat, Jace thinks. He has no idea how many hours, possibly even days, have passed, the blur of his fever haze distorting any sense of time. But even Alec wouldn’t barge in on him like this, no matter how worried he is; he wouldn’t contaminate Jace’s nest during his heat like that, not if Jace wants him out. 

“Just leave me alone!” Jace shouts at some point, hoping it’s enough. He shouldn’t turn Alec away - he’s hungry and dehydrated and isn’t sure if the brief moments of respite he gets are sleep or passing out - but he struggles to power through on his own, the way he always has before… not that this is like anything he’s experienced before.

The next time he hears Alec’s voice it’s softer than before. “I know you don’t want me to come in,” Alec starts. “And please don’t be mad at me but… I brought someone else in to help. Please let them.” 

And then a voice that sounds like music to his ears in his current state. 

“Jace? It’s Raphael. I’m here with Simon. I’d like to come in, if you’d allow me to.” 

Jace wants nothing more. It’s all he’s wanted from the start, especially considering it was likely Raphael’s scent that broke through his suppressants and brought all of this on in the first place. Just hearing Raphael’s voice eases something inside of him, and he can only imagine filling the room with his scent. 

“You shouldn’t… be here…” Jace manages, but his voice is weak and he hates how fragile it sounds in his own ears. He isn’t sure they can even hear him on the other side of the door. 

“Yes, I should. I think you know that as well as I do,” Raphael insists. “May I come inside?” 

It’s the fact that Raphael asks again, rather than asserting authority and insisting, that finally breaks Jace. 

“Yes,” he chokes out, curling around himself as a wave of lightheadedness passes over him again. “Please.” 

Jace hears the door open and close again. “It’s just me,” Raphael says. “But if you want anyone else just tell me and I’ll get them. I brought water and some protein bars that Alec says you like. I can toss them into the closet for you?”

“Yes,” Jace says again, too disoriented to focus on more than that at the moment. Raphael’s small movements are enough to push his scent further into the room, into Jace’s small, safe space, and it’s so much of the comfort he’s craved since this started. 

Jace manages to drink some of the water and eat one of the bars. 

“I hope it’s alright that I came,” Raphael says, speaking in a soothing, comforting tone. “Alec called me. He said that he’s never seen you get this bad.”

“Did he say… why?” Jace asks, silently cursing Alec for telling Raphael anything, even if it was for his own good. 

“No,” Raphael admits, and Jace relaxes with the knowledge that Alec kept his privacy. “And you don’t have to tell me. You don’t have to say anything you don’t want to. I know you don’t want me here-” 

“I do,” Jace cuts in. 

“Oh?” Raphael sounds surprised. 

His head is swimming. He’s exhausted and for the first time since this began he thinks he might actually be able to fall asleep. 

“I’ll tell you, just… later?” Jace knows he sounds desperate but it isn’t a conversation he wants to have here, not like this. 

Raphael, thankfully, understands. “Do you want me to leave you alone again?” 

Jace considers this. So far he hasn’t even seen the vampire - Raphael stayed outside of the closet, in Jace’s room. He doesn’t know him well enough to want him any closer just now, instincts or not. They’re _strangers_ , and Jace knows he walked away from his chance to talk before, knows he has no right to ask him to stay now, but he does it anyway. 

“No. Could you stay a bit? Simon can come in, too. And use the bed, or the chairs, if you want.” Jace can hear from where Raphael’s voice is coming from that he’s sitting on the floor. 

There are some noises that seem lightyears away and then Simon is there, his sent mixing with Raphael’s in that perfect fusion Jace remembers from the raid. They stay there with him, sometimes talking to him, sometimes talking to each other, other times in total silence, for the next two days, leaving only to bring him food and water. 

Yet Jace can’t help the nagging fear in the back of his head of what the others must think, of what they’ll be saying… the rumors and judgments… 

He’s equal parts relieved and terrified when he feels well enough to come out and face them, but he can’t stay hidden away forever. 

“How are you feeling?” Raphael asks him almost immediately, worry etched into his expression behind pinched brows and a slight frown. 

“Better, thanks to you two.” 

“Well, it seems only fair since I have a suspicion this has something to do with our encounter,” Raphael says. True mates have been known to cut through the effects of suppressants, glamours, and other spells, something Raphael must have already put together. 

“Don’t flatter yourself,” Jace says, defaulting to sarcasm and deflecting, even though it’s true. 

Simon laughs as Raphael rolls his eyes. 

“The others, while you’ve been here, have they been- did they treat you alright?” Jace almost doesn’t want to ask, but he has to know. He knows Alec would, he’s the one who brought them here, but some of the others barely manage to treat Jace decently half the time, and that’s with Alec’s constant protection and threats hanging over their heads. 

“Some have,” Raphael admits honestly. “Others not so much. It’s what I expected being in the heart of the Nephilim Institute.” 

“You should’ve left,” Jace sighs. “I never should’ve asked you to stay.” 

“Are you kidding?” Simon says. “All Raphael did after you left was talk about you and-” 

“That’s enough of that,” Raphael cuts him off, but it’s too late. Jace perks up significantly at that knowledge. 

“Oh yeah?” Jace manages a slight smirk. 

“It wasn’t _all_ I did,” Raphael glares at Simon. “But I was hoping we’d have another chance to at least talk. I wasn’t quite picturing this, of course.” 

“Neither was I,” Jace agreed. “But I meant what I said before. It’s not worth the trouble.” 

“You mean ‘ _you’re’_ not worth the trouble?” Simon huffs. “Why don’t you let us decide that.” 

Jace looks from Simon to Raphael with uncertainty. Why? Why would they want to deal with the harassment and the judgment, just for him? They don’t even know him. 

Then again, he doesn’t even know them, and he was already willing to let himself suffer to do what he thought was best for them over his own needs. Is it really so impossible for him to imagine they feel the same? 

“My father-” 

“Is Valentine,” Raphael fills in, sounding unphased and almost bored. “And you are not your father.” 

There’s another long silence. 

“We’re not the only ones with something to lose, Omega.” The use of Jace’s status rather than his name is all the insinuation he needs to know what Simon is referring to. 

“That isn’t a problem,” Jace says quietly. “I’ve been on suppressants since I was a kid… it was the only way I was allowed to train and go on missions with the others, and, well, even if I was with another Nephilim I don’t think children are in my future.” 

Jace doesn’t even realize as he said the words how personal of an admission it is, almost forgetting he’d kept it a secret from everyone other than Alec after the doctors more or less confirmed it to be the case. Normally he’d change the subject, but Raphael and Simon? Jace _wanted_ to tell them. He _wanted_ to let them in, to try at least, even if it turned them away to learn the lengths he’d gone to deny who and what he is as much as possible. 

Jace went so far out of his way to avoid _this very scenario_ \- one where he’s out of commission for days on end, at the whims of hormones out of his control - one where he appears as _weak_ as everyone expects him to be. This isn’t the strong, furious Shadowhunter who attacked Simon at the Dumort, all power, skill, and control, and that comparison is made even worse by the fact that his suppressants left him unused to heats this intense. He must seem like a total disaster. 

Jace wouldn’t blame them for taking one look at him and deciding he isn’t worth the hassle…. except they aren’t going anywhere. 

“I’m sorry, Jace,” Simon says. Jace is surprised to see genuine sorrow on both of their faces. 

“I appreciate you trusting us with that,” Raphael adds. 

“You really think we can make this work?” Jace asks. He’s clearly not good at this part of things - it’s going to be difficult to get used to and he’s going to need a lot of help, they have to realize that. And still...

“I think we owe it to ourselves to try,” Raphael says, and Simon nods emphatically beside him. 

“There’s plenty you don’t know about us, too. You may decide _we’re_ not worth it in the end.” 

Jace snorts. “Yeah, right,” he says, realizing just how invested he really is after the short period of time he’s known them. It should terrify him, but it doesn’t. He wants to make this work, and for the first time Jace allows himself to imagine he might have something serious in his future. 

“Alright,” Jace agrees at last. “But first I need to shower for about half a day. Maybe… maybe we can get a drink tomorrow night, and talk some more?” 

“Yes! I knew you’d come around. And I know the perfect place-” Simon exclaims, starting to ramble before catching himself and snapping his mouth shut, looking over to Raphael. “I mean, uh, what do you think?” 

Raphael, who does his best to look exasperated before his expression softens, finally smiles. 

“I think we know the perfect place.” 

Jace doesn’t bother to ask where - he’s already pretty certain that the perfect place is wherever the three of them can be together, which is just fine by him.


	2. Choosing to Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The closer Jace gets to his next heat, the more he feels a growing uncertainty and tension in Raphael. Maybe things between the three of them aren't going as well as he thinks...

Jace is afraid he’s going to be the odd man out. He thinks being a Shadowhunter, being the son of Valentine on top of the fact that he’s entering into an established relationship between two vampires, is going to be the biggest set of obstacles for the trio to work through.

He’s wrong.

In fact, his lineage seems to be a non-issue. Jace imagines Raphael must’ve said something to the clan because Jace doesn’t get so much as a side-eyed glance his way when he’s at the Dumort, and being with Raphael and Simon is so easy it scares him. Neither of them seem the least bit bothered by who he is - they aren’t worried to have him around the rest of the clan, not even a little concerned if he overhears Downworlder discussions. Honestly, they treat him more normally than his own people had when they found out.

Raphael has a room set aside just for the three of them that no one else is allowed in - the scents of his mates are the only ones that permeate the bed and chair and even the thick fabric of the blackout curtains. When Raphael finds out Jace plays the piano he has one set up in the room, across from a space for Simon to work on his songs or graphic novel. Jace is worried the music will bother Simon so he tries to only play when Simon isn’t there, until Simon admits he likes to listen to Jace play and the music actually helps him concentrate. Soon Jace finds himself playing for both Simon and Raphael and learning what they like to learn more of.

Raphael’s dry wit is the perfect complement to Jace’s own boastful comments and sarcasm, and Simon… Simon’s funny, much funnier than Jace will ever admit to him out loud. Jace is endlessly amused by Simon’s rambling humor and Simon laughs at Jace’s snark, and they just seem to _work_. They balance each other with all their opposing traits, and whenever one of them has a bad day the other two don’t hesitate to show up in their room as soon as possible. It might be the only place Jace has ever felt nothing but positive associations with.

It’s only been a month but the three of them seem to _understand_ each other on a level Jace never anticipated experiencing. Soon Raphael and Simon are picking up on the sort of things that only Alec and Izzy ever noticed about him before, like the way his sarcasm is usually a cover for an immediate insecurity, how he’ll push decisions off on others when he’s exhausted and doesn’t want to admit it. Instead of letting him slink into the background until he’s ‘his normal self’ again, they encourage him to voice what he’s thinking and follow those moments with comfort and care. They say they loved it when he’s his honest self with them, and he believes them.

Jace spent his entire life denying the parts of himself that Raphael and Simon seem to love so much, and it isn’t long before he’s not only comfortable enough around them to accept the compliments and praise, but comfortable enough to seek it out on rare occasions. Like now. With another heat coming up Jace knows he’s been a little extra affectionate, and even with his suppressants he’s needier than he’s ever been in his entire life. Instead of hiding it he allows it to show, allows himself to feel everything and act on it instead of pushing his wants and needs aside. This will be his first proper heat with Raphael and Simon (obviously not counting the one he spent in his closet with them waiting outside), and it’s also the first heat he’s ever done anything other than dread.

Everything’s going great…. which is why Jace doesn’t understand when Raphael suddenly starts pulling away. He catches moments of rushed, whispered conversations between Simon and Raphael that stop abruptly when Jace enters the room. He can _smell_ the anxious spike that the sight of him begins to bring from Raphael, despite his alpha’s best efforts to hide it, and wonders if he was wrong about how well the three of them were getting along.

Maybe things aren’t as great as Jace thinks they are.

Maybe Raphael only tolerates him out of obligation, because they’re true mates, and that’s what he’s expected to do… but not because he actually _wants_ to.

There are a few times Jace almost brings it up. There are a few more he considers cornering Simon and convincing him to talk about _whatever_ it is, because he’s positive that Simon has more insight into whatever Raphael’s thinking right now than he does. This thought is even more upsetting considering Jace thought they were all on the same page not too long ago.

He doesn’t want to put Simon in that position, though. If Jace is the problem - and he’s growing more and more convinced that he is - then he doesn’t want to put Simon in a spot where he’ll have to choose sides… not that it’d be much of a choice. Simon and Raphael were together first, after all. They’re both vampires. Jace doesn’t have any misconception of exactly how this will play out once it comes to a head.

Jace ignores it for as long as he can. He hopes his suppressants are working to hide the worst of his anxieties and when he can’t keep his emotions under control he keeps his distance instead. But he can’t keep going like this. He had a taste of how perfect things could be and he wants that back. He _needs_ it back… or he at least needs to know it’ll never happen again so he can stop hoping.

Which is why the next time it happens, instead of ignoring it, Jace hesitates in the doorway.

“If you don’t want me here just tell me,” he says finally. He wants to lift his head and turn his gaze defiantly toward the alpha but he can’t bring himself to lift his eyes off the spot on the floor they fall on. Still, he said it. It’s out there now.

“What?” Simon says. He sounds surprised, but Jace can’t imagine it’s because he doesn’t know what Jace is talking about. Maybe he’s just surprised Jace managed enough courage to bring it up. “Jace, no, of course we wa-”

“Not you, Si,” Jace says, cutting him off and turning to Raphael. This time he does lift his head. He meets Raphael’s eyes but there’s no challenge there. He doesn’t want a fight, he just wants the truth. “You.”

Simon turns to face Raphael, too. Jace doesn’t think he’s ever seen Simon look so serious, and it does nothing to calm Jace’s fears. “Talk to him,” Simon says to Raphael.

Raphael remains silent, but his gaze shifts from Jace to Simon.

“You didn’t lose me, you won’t lose him either,” Simon adds, almost too quietly for Jace to hear, before leaving the two of them alone.

Lose him? What is Simon talking about?

Jace knows it’s useless to put on a brave face when his scent gives him away, but he stands tall anyway, taking a Nephilim soldier stance with his hands clasped loosely behind his back. It’s an old habit he barely realizes he’s doing.

The tension in the room grows as a long silence stretches between them in Simon’s absence. Simon is always the talker, the one that starts the conversations they need to have and so, so many unnecessary ones as well. Without him it’s obvious neither one of them wants to speak first.

“I’m sorry,” Raphael starts, at length. “For being distant recently.” He pauses. “And for making you feel like you're not wanted here. You are, very much.”

Jace looks uncertain. “I haven’t… I mean, with how needy I’ve been lately with my heat coming up, I thought maybe it was just too much-”

“No,” Raphael is quick to cut off. “You’ve done nothing wrong.”

Jace nods. He believes Raphael - everything about him, from his scent to the cadence of his words, says that he’s telling the truth. But he’s clearly upset, and if he isn’t upset with Jace then what _is_ he upset about?

“It’s me,” Raphael says finally. “I’m afraid I can’t be the alpha you need me to be for you right now. Or, maybe, ever.”

It’s difficult for Jace not to panic at a statement like that, one that sounds so resigned and final.

“I’ll be the judge of that,” Jace says, fighting through that initial fear. It’s only been a few weeks but he can’t imagine a world without Raphael and Simon by his side, one where they aren’t everything he needs and more.

Raphael lets out a surprised laugh at that. “And so you shall,” he agrees. “The truth is that I’m not interested in sex. Which I know goes against practically everything an alpha is meant to be.”

Feeling the breath catch in his throat, Jace tries to push past it, ignoring the slightly burning tinge his scent takes on in his anxiousness over the fact that he was right and Raphael _doesn’t_ want him. “You don’t want to have sex with me,” Jace repeats.

“No, not just you. Anyone. I’m simply not interested in sex. I never have been,” Raphael clarifies. “I’m asexual.”

“Oh. Okay,” Jace says. It isn’t a concept his mind immediately accepts, because it isn’t one he understands. “That’s…” But he doesn’t know what to say, still processing, still figuring out exactly what that means for him.

“I understand that right now especially, having an alpha that can’t, that _won’t…_ ” Raphael hesitates. “It never mattered if this was a dealbreaker for others before, because I never cared about others the way I care for you and Simon.”

“Simon knows,” Jace realizes, finally piecing together Simon’s words from earlier. _You didn’t lose me, you won’t lose him either._ Raphael had this talk with Simon too, at some point before Jace.

“He does,” Raphael confirmed. “And please, don’t be mad at him for not telling you. I asked him not to. I wanted it to come from me.”

“Were you ever going to tell me if I didn’t bring it up first?” Jace is vaguely aware that he’s mostly stalling now, but he can’t bring himself to mind.

“I was. I wanted to before now, but I didn’t want to ruin things. But obviously I would’ve, before your heat.”

Right. Jace’s heat. Which he was going to go through without an alpha to, well…

“I’m glad you told me now,” Jace says finally. “It’s, uh, good to know. Definitely changes a lot of my… assumptions… which I’m realizing now were wildly off base,” he admits. He had ideas in his head of how this first heat with Raphael and Simon would go, which he’s realizing now weren’t just wrong, but a bit unfair of him to just assume.

“If this isn’t something you want, I understand,” Raphael says finally.

Jace hesitates. He knows the position he’s in now, the power he has here. He can walk away. He can say it isn’t enough and walk away and that’s on him. He can tell that’s what Raphael expects him to do. He’s an omega, after all. And what’s an omega to do with an alpha who doesn’t want to have sex with him? At least for Jace that answer is simple.

“If you’d rather end things now there will be no hard feelings...” Raphael continues, trying to give Jace an easy out, but Jace isn’t hearing it.

“Why would I end things? You and Simon mean the world to me, Raphael. You know that, right?” Jace says. Until now they’ve been standing across the room from one another, Jace only a few steps closer from where he initially paused in the doorway, and Raphael several feet away. Jace closes the distance between them now. “We weren’t having sex before, so this doesn’t change anything.”

“But your heat-”

“I’ve gotten through them alone before, I can do it again.” Jace knows this is different, more intense than before now that meeting his true mates seemed to override all of the good his suppressants did in the past, but now doesn’t seem the time to bring that up. “You’re not just some walking knot to me, okay? I-” Jace hesitates, but fuck it, if now isn’t the time he isn’t sure when it would be. “I love you. Both of you. And this might not be what I expected but that doesn’t mean I’m going to walk away from it. I’m definitely going to need a few more talks, but… we’ll figure it out.”

“We will?” Raphael echoes, and Jace notes the surprise in his tone.

“We will,” Jace reassures him, closing the distance entirely to take Raphael’s hands in his own. Jace brings their hands up to his lips to place a gentle kiss across the back of Raphael’s hand by the knuckle of his middle finger. “You didn’t lose me, either.”

There are so many questions he has, and they have a lot of boundaries to discuss, _especially_ with Jace’s upcoming heat, but he’s willing to try to figure it out. No, he _wants_ to figure it out, to put in the work to make _them_ work, no matter how unconventional their particular trio may be. Right now it feels like more than enough to let the information settle with the knowledge that Jace isn’t going anywhere, and they’ll have plenty of time to figure the rest out later.

“I’m glad,” Raphael says, flipping Jace’s hand in his own to return the kiss against the back of Jace’s hand, taking a moment to breathe in along Jace’s wrist, smiling as he pulls away, satisfied that Jace isn’t just lying to make him feel better. There’s a true feeling of acceptance there, any previous fears and anxieties quieting within them.

When Simon returns a little while later to see Jace at the piano while Raphael reads on a chair in the corner, his feet curled up under him, a smile spreads across his features.

“Told you he’d stay,” Simon says matter-of-factly.

Raphael rolls his eyes slightly but is unable to stop the slight smile from tugging up at the corners of his lips.

Jace smiles, too. He chose to stay today, and he’ll choose to stay again tomorrow, and the next day, and every day after that as long as they’d have him.

It’s the easiest ‘choice’ he’s ever had to make, and he’s grateful for every day he gets to make it.

**Author's Note:**

> (Find me on [Tumblr](http://bytheangell.tumblr.com) and also on [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/By_The_Angell)! <3 )


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